It’s amazing how many excuses your own mind can make to justify you not doing the things you actually want to do.
So what do I want to do? I want to tap into my authentic Self… I have a strong inkling that we were all put here to grow into a specific kind of person. How that growth is facilitated is shaped by the whispers in the back of your mind. Maybe even so deep down to be called your soul. This is not something that I only intuited, but came from a myriad of sources that I couldn’t be bothered to source right now.
We are all something akin to an acorn that possess something inside of us that needs to grow. We each need to learn to somehow allow the shell to break, and for the seedlng to grow and with the right amount of care, time, attention and luck - that’s exactly what will happen. It’s happened for so many people, why would it be different for you?
Just like acorns though, the majority of them end up not in ideal conditions and they go bad, barren on the ground. My intent is to not allow this to happen with myself.
I’ve been sitting on this blog for some time. Just over 2 years. I haven’t made a move on it because I’m scared. That fear comes through as perfectionism. I’m so inundated by some inherent need to make some kind of perfect something… So scared of failure and judgement that I end up being paralyzed and tend to not do much towards my personal goals and projects.
Professionally, I’m fine. Doing things for someone else, for some kind of endeavour that I have a professional standard to set doesn’t bother me in the slightest and I tend to deliver quite well. In fact, I’ve mostly found in my profession that it’s often best to deliver something quite far from perfect, with the idea of building on the idea and iterating.
Somehow though, in my personal capacity, I seem to find this very difficult. Perhaps it also has to do with me not just needing to figure out how to do something but also exactly what I need to do. My brain is also just often overstimulated and flooded with shiny, interesting ideas and I tend to want to pursue them all at once which inevitably means not pursuing any of them.
It’s exhausting and frustrating. I probably have some kind of trauma that is making me act this way, and its holding me back so much. What I’ve come down to is this idea that perhaps it’s worth doing some things badly… Because it’s at least something rather than nothing.
This is my personal dumping ground for my thoughts, my rants and my projects.
Keeping in the line with the idea of it being a digital garden, let’s see if we can get this acorn to finally start sprouting and growing.